diary 5/1/12
5/1/12 4:09 in the morning and i’m wide awake smoking a newports and drinking coffee i have grown very fond of coffee even tho it makes me poo a lot. my last hospital visit i was drinking it like water but i was full of meds so i didn’t poo a lot. maybe its the hazelnut creamer i don’t know. excuse me if my entry is not perfect every since my ex left me i been lost i don’t let anyone see me down i put on a very good show. everyday i pretend i feel worse its no right way to get over a break-up only time heals. and in the case of the truly in love not even father time can mend the torn heart. i try to forget her and focus on moving on but i cant she was my baby and i miss her. i did this to myself a lot of things i could have walked away from i didn’t i lead a lot of silly thing into all out war of words. i know she don’t care about what i have to say now. but if she would somehow run across this i wanna tell her i’m sorry more sorry than i ever been about anything in my life. and iv’e done some horrible things its not to get her to take me back. its because i wanna know she forgives me and understand i made a mistake. i guess i’ll never know i’m too much of a coward to look her in the face right now. i’m afraid of her reply it may hurt worst if i heard her tell me all the reason she left. i wanna close out by saying life is not a video game where if you mess up you can just start over. mistakes are real and the have real consequences and the pain i feel is a reminder of that peace ya’ll.
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Mary-Leigh Maxwell
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